Attack of the Dad-bod

Hello humans,

My wife is now 31 weeks into her pregnancy. So far, she has made sure that she gained only the appropriate amount of weight during each trimester, hasn’t gotten any stretch-marks, and people still look at her skeptically whenever she tells them she is in her third trimester.

Me, on the other hand… well I’ve gained some weight… and inches.

image
Nobody looks good first thing in the morning!

I’ve tried to be a very supportive husband during this pregnancy and one way to support her is by gaining sympathy weight. When my wife craves an Oreo milk shake, I am the good husband who makes one for her and and one for myself so she doesn’t feel fat. And after she has taken two sips and no longer wants it, I am the good husband who doesn’t allow food to go to waste. There are starving husbands in California, after all!

Whenever a pregnant lady is giving in to her cravings, it can be very difficult not to give in to some of your own! I don’t need donuts every day but my wife did get herself some chocolate ice cream so why not? But then I end up finishing off both because the next week chocolate ice cream isn’t what she wants anymore. She wants brownies. But only one. Which leaves me with eight brownies.

After months of cravings, both hers and mine, I have gained about fifteen pounds, which, according to pregnancy guides, is under the appropriate weight for a pregnant woman! I’ve always been an advocate for gender equality!

But I’m not the only one in the house gaining weight! Sadie, our beagle, is getting a little pudgy too! I thought she would be happysadie with me being home all day long but she still lays around the majority of the day! I think my wife has been over feeding her so that the entire house feels fat… I’m getting dad-bod and Sadie is getting dog-bod…

Something needs to change!

My preferred method of exercise is running so Sadie and I went down to the track at 5:30 am because I don’t like crying in front of a crowd. My workout clothes didn’t seem to fit as well as last summer but Sadie’s harness was snug too, so we made quite the team. Ashton joined us but she only walked with weights.

The first lap felt great! The fresh morning air, temperature was around 50° and it was so dark that no one could see me running which is important to me.

Have you ever seen a baby’s running posture? nvrmndDue to their odd proportions, babies run with their butts sticking out and their bellies hanging forward. And for some odd reason, I never grew out of this. I am a giant man-baby.

It wasn’t until halfway through the second lap that I felt the unbearable pain. My love handles began to scream out in agony but it was a scream so high pitched that only dogs could hear it. Or at least that’s what I’m assuming since Sadie kept looking back at me, tilting her head to one side.

In the end we ran 2.5 miles and when we got home we both collapsed. At the moment I am writing this, 9:35am, Sadie has yet to move. I’d like to go up to her to make sure she is still breathing but that would require me getting up off the couch, which my legs will not allow me to do.

tired
Tired dog is tired

Everyone has to start somewhere, right? It may be a sad beginning for the two of us but by this summer, we will both have rocking bods. Or just a slightly less round dad-bod.

If you take anything from this blog post, remember this: Don’t laugh at the fat guy trying to better his life, because that fat guy is me and I don’t take criticism well. You don’t want to see me cry.

Thanks D.W.

P.S. Don’t worry about Sadie, she’s really okay. She may be a little fat but she’s still young! She enjoyed the run this morning!

 

 

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