10 Hilarious Coupons For The Not-So-Newlywed Couple

Hello humans,

February is the season for love. Young men are emptying their wallets on extravagant gifts and over-the-top gestures in attempts to romance their companion. Then women shows off the gifts or proof of the gesture to their friends in an attempt to gain social superiority. It’s a lovely season!

One gift that has become increasingly popular over the years for young couples are the couple’s coupons, where you will see cute little offerings like, “Free Date Night on Me” and “Good for One Strip Tease.” And these are great for couples in their youth.

But romance looks different for the not-so-newlywed couple. Some would say romance dies after a while and you’re left with familiarity and fear of the world outside of your spouse.

But I am here today to tell you true romance never dies, it evolves. Instead of the surprise date night, you’re happier with the surprise “I’m already in my PJs at 4pm” and instead of the free strip tease, you’ll settle for him not burping the entire alphabet.

That is why I have created 10 coupons for older couples. Those true couples who know what it takes to stand the test of time, and if your spouse offers you these coupons and actually allows you to redeem them, you know the romance is truly alive in your relationship.

So if you’re anything like me and you forgot to get your spouse an actual Valentine’s day present, here are 10 Couple’s Coupons for the Not-So-Newlywed.

1.The Couple’s Curfew curfewDoes your wife constantly go to bed hours before you, at a completely unreasonable time of 7:30? Does she constantly complain that the bed is cold and she wishes she had a warm body in there to help her sleep, though you know she’s not referring to anything sexual? Then give your wife the gift of the Couple’s Curfew! Good for one night of a shared bedtime! She can sleep soundly while you lie awake, counting the ceiling tiles!

2. The Call Out cancelDo you have dinner plans with your annoying friends that your wife not-so-secretly hates? Does it take her twice as long to get ready when meeting with these friends than it would if she were just hanging out with friends of her own? Then present your wife with “The Call Out!” Good for one free night at home of her choice! Since they’re your friends, you’ll have to make up the excuse for why you’re not coming! She’ll be back in her PJs before you hang up the phone!

3. Talk Nerdy To Me nerdDoes your husband have a hobby that you are not interested in at all? Has he tried talking to you about these things but they bore you so bad that the two of you have created a “Do Not Discuss” list? Well please your husband with the “Talk Nerdy to Me” good for one whole hour of participated conversation of his choice! Whether your husband is into time paradoxes or Wookie origin stories, the topic is up to him! All you have to do is nod your head!

4. The Wordless Underwear Retrieval undiesDoes your husband constantly leave his dirty underwear in the middle of the floor? Have you told him time and time again that dirty underwear goes in the dirty clothes hamper? Well then, your husband will love his “Wordless Underwear Retrieval” coupon! Good for one retrieval of a dirty undergarment without the reminder of where they go! Your husband will know you truly love him when he sees you walk wordlessly to the laundry room clutching the rim of his stained skivvies.

5. The “I Don’t Know” Veto i dont knowHas your wife had to ask you multiple times for your opinion about dinner but you can’t seem to put give her the attention she deserves? Is the reply “I don’t know” so ingrained into your brain that you start saying it before she’s even done talking? Then blow her mind with the “I Don’t Know” Veto! With this coupon the recipient must drop what he is doing and make one thought through decision about what they want to eat for dinner. *Not valid if wife responds with “Well, that doesn’t sound good to me”

6. The Big Spoon Switch-A-Roo big spoonAre you constantly the little spoon in the relationship? Does your husband secretly want to be held from behind and reminded that you’re protecting him? Well give him the gift of a lifetime with “The Big Spoon Switch-A-Roo,” the gift he’s too manly to ask you for! With this coupon, you will become the big spoon and comfort your husband like he’s always dreamed. Because, who doesn’t want to be held?

7. The Frigid Feet coupons1Does your wife suffer from having absolutely no circulation in her entire body? Do her feet feel like the cold grasp of winter’s death? Well then, you’ll both be squealing with the “Frigid Feet” coupon! With this coupon she gets to warm both ice cube feet on your unsuspecting belly anytime she wants! Whether you’re napping in your favorite chair or eating dinner, anytime is acceptable with this coupon!

8. The Hallmark Hush hallmarkDoes your wife get excited over the news of how many Hallmark Christmas movies will be coming out this year? Does she love them regardless of  all the stupid cliches? Well then give her the gift of “The Hallmark Hush” No talking allowed! With this coupon the two of you will get to watch an entire Hallmark movie and you won’t be able to say a thing about it! Is the male character a one-sided do gooder? Keep it to yourself! Is the plot thinner than toilet paper? Better not say anything or the coupon is considered null and you’ll get to sit through another movie holding your tongue!

9. The Pause pause
Does your wife constantly interrupt you while you are playing online games with your friends? Have you told her time and time again that it is impossible to pause an online game yet she still insists that you can? Well then look no further and give her “The Pause” good for one online game pause! With this she can pull you away from any game, regardless of how well you’ve been playing!

10. 50% Off All Social Expectations piggy
Does your husband constantly embarrass you by taking advantage of the open bar at all of your work parties? Is he the one who is always losing his shirt and dancing on table tops whenever the two of you are at a family picnic? Then get him the gift that was made especially for him! “50% Off All Social Expectations” will grant your husband one free day where everything he does will be forgotten about by more than just himself! You’ll promise to lower your expectations by half so he can enjoy himself in full!

 

And there you have it! Any couple that can maintain these coupons’ conditions have to be truly in love! Let Romance evolve and get your free couple’s coupons below!coupons1

Pin Your Coupons for later!

Did you enjoy this and still want more? Check out more Dadly Doodles here! And don’t forget to subscribe by email below to see new content published every week! Follow Duck, Duck, Greyduck on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram!

Thanks! D.W.

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5 thoughts on “10 Hilarious Coupons For The Not-So-Newlywed Couple

  1. Ahh! haha I LOVE these! I literally giggled through them all. Where at in Indiana do you live now? That’s my home state 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I’m glad you liked it! We live in Corydon, IN. It’s southern close to the border of KY!

      Like

      1. Oh that’s awesome! What a beautiful area with the rolling hills. I’m from the northeast corner. Glad to see a fellow Hoosier blogger!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I really enjoyed what you wrote about Valentine’s Day at the beginning of this post. I couldn’t agree more.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Cute and hilarious, Still laughing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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